Managing Expectations

I’ve never been one to comfortably show a lot of emotion, but particularly ones related to hope or excitement. I used to think this was some kind of trauma response, but after lots of therapy and having been in a really great place mentally and emotionally for a few years now, I’m realizing that it’s just part of how I am. I tend to process things after the fact, so my expression in the moment doesn’t always match what I ultimately end up feeling about whatever it is, once I’ve had the time and room to process and allow myself to feel it all. That’s why it’s a strange thing to be having some very strong in-the-moment feelings this week! It’s leaving me wondering whether I should just feel it all—however it comes—without questioning it, or whether it’s worth exploring so that I can figure out what the difference is this time around.

I’m very much a “manage my expectations” kind of person, but I’m finding myself wanting to let go of it in this instance. Perhaps that’s because I don’t actually think it will hurt any less if I end up with an undesirable outcome, even if I’ve managed my expectations now. Why not feel the good and exciting feelings in the moment, while it’s happening?

This is about querying, of course.

I haven’t done a querying update recently, because there hasn’t been much happening, but just because I haven’t talked about it doesn’t mean it isn’t still running as a constant program in the background. I’ve heard that querying is one of those situations where it feels like it’s taking forever, moving at a frustratingly slow place… until it isn’t. This is true of most things in publishing, but I’m in the querying stage of the process, and the first part of that generally-accepted observation has certainly proven itself to be true. I’m not at the second part yet, but it could happen at any time, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be ready even if I was given notice.

I received a partial manuscript request a few weeks ago, and just yesterday they contacted me to request the full. Although my correspondence with this agent so far has been a handful of short, professional emails, I really like their vibe. They do not have a large client list, unlike two of the other agents who have my manuscript right now. But even in the short emails we’ve exchanged, I have a good feeling about this one, and feeling like I could form a connection is more important to me than numbers. Of course, I want an agent who can sell my book and help me launch and sustain a career. But I truly believe I have my best shot at that with someone I feel good about; someone I feel comfortable with. I haven’t interacted enough with this agent yet to know if that’s the case, obviously, but I loved everything about them from what I could find online, and their emails feel conversational and friendly. It’s a refreshing change of pace from the formal professional correspondence I’ve had with others.

Because I’ve so intentionally curated my query list, and I’ve done my research on each agent I queried, I feel good about everyone on it. I intentionally chose to query both new and senior/long-established agents, as I see benefits to both. A senior agent with an impressive list means that this person knows what they’re doing, and they’ve done it before. Even if each author relationship and each book is different, there’s some security built in when the agent has already proven they’re able to sell books and have great relationships with their clients. On the other hand, newer agents may have more time and enthusiasm with the projects they’re taking on, as they’re working to build their lists and establish themselves in the industry. They’re not managing so many clients at once, so in theory, that could mean more personalized attention. As long as they’re with a solid agency and have great mentorship and resources, newer agents are just as appealing to me as ones who have been around for ages. It could also be the whole neurodivergent thing, but I don’t invest a whole lot in the idea of hierarchies as it is. If I like a person and they’re good at their job, I couldn’t care less about their title or tenure.

What has me reflecting on all this?

I had received 3 full requests and 1 partial going into this week. As of yesterday, that 1 partial request became a full. The reason this has me so hopeful is because my primary concern with my manuscript was a fear that it wouldn’t grab an agent’s attention quickly enough. Even though 3 other agents also have my full manuscript, I’ve had no correspondence with them since sending it over, and for all I know they haven’t even gotten to it yet. Knowing that an agent has not only read my early chapters, but liked them, was more exciting than I could have predicted.

I know my story is a good one, and I know my writing is strong. Of course, I hadn’t looked at it in months, and when I reread it yesterday I saw plenty of things I’d want to edit/clarify, but I’m still really happy with it. Prior to querying, I made adjustments to insure that the book had commercial appeal and faster pacing than I typically write naturally. This is because, although I have my own way of telling stories, I know that certain things are required (or at the very least strongly encouraged) to make it more appealing to a broader commercial audience. I feel confident where it’s at, although I’m also pretty excited for the editorial process to come once I sign with an agent and we’re getting it ready to submit to publishers. I’m weird on this, but I love the editing/revision process so much.

A very loud part of me is warning against getting my hopes up, but a steadier (albeit quieter) part is reminding me that my book only gains momentum after that first 50 pages the agent enjoyed. If the agent enjoyed the first 50 pages enough to request the rest of my manuscript, I can’t help but feel good about it, because I know the rest of the book is even better than the chapters they’ve already seen.

That loud part is reminding me that there’s still a very good chance this agent, and the others, will pass on me and my project. And while I want to recognize the reality of that assertion, I don’t want to take away from the excitement I’m feeling, because it’s also possible that an agent will offer.

I don’t want to manage my expectations.

It feels like a risk to allow unmanaged excitement to spring up, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do! I have to believe that it’s worthwhile, regardless of the eventual outcome, to feel all the feelings in real time. It’s the advice I’d give to anyone else—to enjoy it—so I’m extending that wisdom to myself. This agent requested the rest of my manuscript after reading the first 50 pages, which I believe to be weaker overall than the remaining 300+ pages. If they liked those opening chapters, I have no doubt they’ll like the rest, so at this point it’s just up to whether or not they like it enough. For an agent to offer representation they need to be confident and excited about the project (and the author), so I just sincerely hope it surpasses that bar.

And until I hear otherwise, I fully intend to believe that it not only can, but will.

Happy Wednesday! I hope you are able to feel the joy of unfettered excitement and hope this week, too!

Today’s date: April 17th, 2024