The Undeniable Force Behind Writing: Humanity

I had lunch with a friend the other day, and it was only the second time I’ve been out in public around others in the past month, aside from doctor’s appointments. I’d been on a medication in December that suppressed my immune system, and despite being extra cautious and limiting time around people, I still managed to catch some kind of cold-like virus in January (twice). I’m no longer on that medication, but my immune system is still recovering, it seems. In any event, I’ve paid dearly for my one afternoon out, and you know what? It was worth it.

Here’s the thing with chronic illness—we learn to find balance through trial and error. Sometimes we’re overly cautious, and more often than not, we push harder than we should in order to be able to participate in life. But in this instance, I don’t regret my choice to go out. Why? Because I’m human. Because I need connection sometimes. Because even my extremely introverted self yearns to spend time with like minds in the real world every once in a while, instead of constantly from behind a screen.

So, we sat outside on the patio in open air, bathed in sunlight, listened to live music, ate delicious food, and enjoyed lattes. This, too, is good for my health and well-being. More than medication and isolation, some good old fashioned human connection was what my body and soul needed most. We talked about the state of the world, and about our similar journeys out of the same cults. We celebrated the deep connection we have with ourselves and with our fellow humans now that we’ve done that work. We shared regrets. We expressed our confusion over past experiences, and the things we’re still working through. Mostly, we shared space and energy.

My work is largely solitary. Whether I’m writing my own stuff or working on projects for clients, I do so alone, often with no company other than my dog (and the occasional welcome disruption from one of my kids). Because of this, and because I really am one of the most intensely introverted people I know, I spend most of my non-family time with one screen or another. I switch it up between my laptop, desktop, tablet, and phone, but a screen is a screen.

I’m not complaining. Not in the least. I’m beyond grateful that I’m able to do what I love, and help others do the same. It’s literally my dream! It’s also true, however, that a certain kind of peace settles into me when I spend time with specific people. It’s that feeling only attunement with another person can inspire. It’s not something I experienced much until recent years, but now that I have, I don’t want to forget to allow myself to enter into that space from time to time.

Writing, music, and art have been my point of connection with the rest of the world (and with myself), for as long as I can remember, and I’ve always found what I needed there. Creative expression has helped me understand my own mind, other people, and how we all fit together. I’m realizing, however, that especially in this moment in time, I’m feeling drawn toward humanity in a more direct way. Person to person. Face to face. I believe it’s making me a better person. And I believe it’s making me a better writer.

My writing has slowed way down. Last year, I wrote something like 250,000 words, which is significantly less than in years past. And so far this year, I’ve written just about 10,000 words. Granted, it’s only 27 days into the year. But again, it’s a much slower pace than even last year. And I’m finding myself okay with this. Actually, it feels so right that I’m not even feeling an urge to push myself to do more. Instead, I’m soaking in the human experience as much as my body, heart, and mind can tolerate, and I’m allowing that energy to infuse my work. It’s also leading me into different literary areas again, reigniting parts of my creative spirit I thought long gone. I truly believe my stories and characters are deeper because of this seemingly minor redirection.

It’s also allowing me to be more externally-focused within the writing community. I’ve read some truly wonderful pages from other writers I’m working with! It’s inspiring to be able to dive into their worlds so completely, and to offer them real, actionable feedback to help bring their stories to life. Watching fellow writers move through the creative process, and seeing them grow in confidence in real time, is so rewarding. So, as much as I love planting my feet into the soil of my own work, I’m finding immense satisfaction and joy strolling alongside my colleagues’ creations equally as much these days.

Maybe I’m finally taking tentative steps outside of my years-long hermit mode. If so, I sure picked quite the time, huh? While most of the people I know are drawing inward to protect themselves against the constant onslaught of tragic and terrifying news, my nervous system decides it finally feels safe enough to venture out? Go figure. I’ll take it slowly—one step at a time, as they say—but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t invested in seeing where this path takes me.

I’ve always written as a way to understand and express humanity, whereas now it feels more like I write as a way to connect with and celebrate it. That shift feels important, not only for my own personal journey but for this moment in history, if I can really allow myself to go wherever this energy wants me to. So I’ll continue to explore humanity through the written word, as I always have. And I’ll also explore it through interactions with the people around me in the world. Perhaps what comes of that will be something even more true and authentic than anything I’ve been able to create before. Less head, more heart. More soul.

In the past, I’ve written on here about how I like to go out into public to observe people. I challenge myself to get creative and imagine what people might be talking about as they do their morning walk around the park by my house, or what the man is thinking as he holds the crossing sign for the kids leaving school in the afternoon. I create backstories for them. I write little blurbs in my notes app, as inspiration for later. Maybe an interaction will make it into one of my scenes, or a character description will be based off the woman who waved me in front of her at the intersection. It’s been an invaluable part of my writing practice, this particular exercise, and I’ve done it literally my entire life.

In this way, I’ve always considered humanity my primary inspiration for my work. The difference now is that, instead of simply observing, I want to interact with them more myself. Instead of creating my own stories about who these people might be, or what they could be thinking about, I want to ask them! I want to sit down and talk about their real, actual lives. I want to hear the stories of what brought them here, and what they dream about at night when they think of their futures. I want to understand who they are, and why. Face to face. Person to person.

I’m sure this may sound small, silly, or even obvious to a lot of people out there, but I’ve lived an entire life trying to understand and make sense of people, rather than just being with them. Now that I’m joining humanity as more of a participant than observer, it’s changing how I engage with my work, and I cannot wait until I finish this current novel so others can feel it, too!

Until then, I’ll see you… out in the world.