Writing Update: Querying
I said I’d update when I started getting responses, so here we go…
I’ve gotten my first rejections!
I think I’m broken or something.
No, but really. I went into the querying process fully expecting rejection, but also fully expecting the disappointment and grief that comes along with it.
I’ve gotten two responses so far—both rejections—and, if anything, I’ve felt excited… which is not a typical reaction. I say it’s not typical because I’ve seen friends query, and I’ve supported them through the heartbreak of rejections. I’ve also heard plenty of author interviews where they spoke of their time querying, and how difficult it was. So in many ways, I was fully primed to react in the same way as each of these people did, because it’s all I’ve really seen or heard about the process.
Let me be clear: this is not some weird way of humble bragging. I actually spent time after my second rejection thinking about this, trying to parse through why my feelings seem so different than those of my friends.
POSSIBLE REASONS FOR MY STRANGE REACTION SO FAR
One of them had a little bit of feedback, and I deeply appreciate that an agent took the time to offer anything beyond the “It’s not for me,” knowing how busy they are and how many queries are in their inbox on a daily basis.
I’m neurodiverse, and sometimes my reactions to things are delayed. I don’t think that’s the issue here, because I’m feeling things about it; it’s just that I’m not feeling what I’d expected, but it’s worth considering as a possibility.
I have seen so many authors go through this process already, so I was mentally prepared to accept this as a part of querying. I’ve researched the stats, read the articles, listened to the podcasts, and watched the videos… I’ve gone in fully aware, so perhaps that knowledge and perspective has softened the blow.
I’m confident in my ability as a writer, and I’ve got 4 other books either completed or in progress, so I know that if this one doesn’t land me an agent, my entire career doesn’t hinge on it. I truly believe I’m good enough to be published, and I’m always improving with each new project I finish, so it’ll happen eventually.
I’ve been through a lot in my life, and thankfully that’s meant lots of therapy and healing work as a result. Just in general, I think this has helped me to better manage stressful situations, and to identify what’s personal and what isn’t.
I’ve had some medical/pain issues the past couple of weeks which landed me in the ER a few nights ago, so I’m distracted by that (received two more diagnoses of chronic conditions). Ultimately, query rejections don’t seem quite as significant in comparison to possibly losing more mobility, no matter how much I love this book and want it to be published.
I’m an Enneagram type 5w4—For those unfamiliar with the Enneagram, my 5 type means that I love learning and investigating and exploring things. I tend to be pragmatic, and when I’m met with a challenge, I see it as an opportunity to learn and grow more rather than as an obstacle to my success. In general, I don’t rely on social validation to keep doing what I’m doing, so I can’t help thinking that a lot of this might just be due to the way I’m wired.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I love this particular story, and I’ll keep querying it… at least, until I’ve queried everyone on my list. And in the meantime, I’ll be working on my next book, and the one after that. As for the rejections, I think I’m just going to accept that my reactions to the rejections are what they are. I’ll push back against my need to analyze and understand the why of literally everything and just try to be grateful that—for whatever reason—I don’t seem to be experiencing the grief that comes with this process. Perhaps once my top 5 agents respond, the emotional stakes will be higher. I guess I won’t know that until I get those emails. I have a feeling that a few of them will be super disappointing, especially if they don’t even request, but that’s just conjecture until it actually happens.
I do have to say, there’s something so satisfying about filling in some of the blank cells on my spreadsheet, even if it’s with the word “Rejection”, date of rejection, and a copy of the feedback/response email. My brain seems to be perceiving it as some sort of fun game where we get to fill in more of the spreadsheet as responses come in, so I’m still managing to get that dopamine hit, regardless of the nature of the response. HAHA! It’s silly, but I’ll take it. Thanks, brain.
Like last time, I welcome any and all well wishes and luck!
*Literally, as I was writing this blog post, I received another rejection, bringing the total to three. Seventeen more to go, but here’s to hoping I get some requests from those ones.
Today’s date: February 7th, 2024
